Roe v. Wade Memorial Rally

My baby is one of the 50 million lost due to abortion since 1973. It happened a few blocks from where I’m standing here today. She is among those who deserve to be remembered.

It wasn’t her fault that I was a pregnant and scared 19 year old. At first, my boyfriend and I were excited to have our baby together. But later, he told me to get an abortion and said, “We can have another one someday.” I look at back and see how much influence he had over my life that he would make me choose between him and my baby. I had no support to think or do otherwise, so I put my mind into auto-pilot and I made the call.

At the abortion facility I hoped for a way out. I asked about the baby’s stage of development. She told me “It’s just a blob of tissue.” I didn’t know my baby already had hands and feet and a beating heart. She proceeded to sell me the abortion as a “quick, routine, painless procedure.”I took that to mean: “to proceed.” I wanted to be deceived. It was much easier to go with the flow. I asked about the pain. She said, “Most girls just feel a pinch, you’ll be fine.” But as I was on the table I was in excruciating pain. I felt the sting of death in my most tender part of my body. A woman assisted me toward a cot to lie down for a little while. Though hardly able to move, it was already time to leave. Another girl needed my spot on that busy day.

Even though I tried to forget, my body did not forget the trauma. I began to have nightmares. I experienced extreme anxiety over the vacuum cleaner. Later, I realized that it reminded me of the sound of the abortion machine. I did poorly in school. I suffered from anxiety. My friends would not listen to how I was feeling. They said, “It’s done. It’s in the past, put it behind you and move on.” So I did just that. I began using drugs to numb my emotional pain. There was a quickie marriage, but it ended soon after. After that, I avoided meaningful relationships. I had trouble making decisions. I became numb to life.

Years passed. A kind and compassionate man said he wishes he could have been there for me during that time, so I married him. When we had our son, I feared he would die. I tried to make everything perfect.

Although everything seemed to be fine in my life, I became depressed especially during a certain part of the year and entertained thoughts of suicide. One day I heard a woman share a story similar to mine and I realized that I wasn’t alone. I listened to her tell about a called HEART, which stands for Healing Encouragement for Abortion Related Trauma. Together with a group of six women, we met in a safe and confidential environment. In the 12 weeks that we met I was finally free to grieve and bestow dignity to my unborn child. It changed my life. I began to find joy in life.

I have a 17 year old boy. I look back at how fast these years have flown I think of how I could have made it work with my daughter before him. When we’re young we only see the here and now. I got caught up in the panic of it all, and I didn’t think of getting help. But now I wish I had. I wish I would have fought to save her. By saving her I could have saved myself a lot of heart ache that followed. I miss my baby as we sit at the table as a family. But now I give myself permission to think about her and now I have peace.

I thank everyone here today for listening and being informed, for helping me fight for her memory, and those like her. I hope we will all continue in doing right, to offer hope and healing to those who need it; to being good neighbors. It is right to help others. Let’s do this with all our hearts and all our minds. Let’s help little ones like my daughter who have yet to be born.